Blog post #7

April 20^th, 2013

Today was a good day. I’m not generally a fan of days that lean too much on commerce—there are many things I’d rather do than spend a whole day shopping. But this morning, we took the girls to the Midlands Mall, to buy a few things & to go to the Fun Place (that’s really what it’s called). We attempted this same outing last night, and it did not go well. A’s behavior, & my bad attitude about A’s behavior, did not warrant a blog post. Plus, to our great surprise, the entire mall closes at 6pm. So our mission was cut short anyway.

This morning, we started out with more strategy. There were talks about expectations ahead of time; there were rewards in place; there were consequences outlined; there were three cups of coffee drunk before leaving the lodge.

The first thing that made today go better was a simple invention known as a shopping cart. At malls around here, you can rent (yes, for money) shopping carts that you can take all around the mall. The girls loudly requested one that looked like a car with two steering wheels. I know many of my friends’ children will no longer get into a shopping cart, but these girls sure will. Tabby’s legs were apparently not created for walking, and A has NEVER had the experience of riding in a shopping cart, except for these past few days with us. Keeping them in the shopping cart made things so much easier—A is what we affectionately call “handsy.” She touches everything, including trashcans, garbage she sees on the ground, expensive clothes, just-washed windows, you get the point. So with the girls happily eating snacks in the cart, we were able to buy supplies for the lodge, as well as new dresses for them for court on Wednesday.

I had wanted the girls to wear matching dresses for court, not because I am that mom who wants her children to match all the time, but because it fosters attachment and helps create a family identity, especially on court day. Getting them to agree on a dress, & to both fit in some version of the dress, was not easy, but we did it! Happy girls, pretty dresses, satisfied mommy.

On to the Fun Place, a virtual indoor carnival. A rode her first fair rides—swings that go up in the air (my personal favorite), a boat that veers back & forth sloppily, and a six-seated ride that hoists you up in the air & lets you down fast. Both girls had a blast. No child likes when the fun ends, but what we’ve come to notice about A is that right after she receives something good or fun, she feels let down, & she goes silent. We are frequently up against her unresponsiveness when she doesn’t get what she wants. So while Tabby was bummed that it ended, she thanked us & moved on; A refused to say thank you, or anything, and sulked the whole way home. The inward battle for us is to not let that sour last note become the loudest. We have to remember that the morning was 95% good and peaceful and fun.

After a long nap, hide & seek, dinner, and cleaning up, the night ended with the most ridiculous tickle fight, instigated by A. She really came alive & was making me laugh so hard. She was as affectionate as she has ever been, and allowed Tabby to be a part of the laughter, too. It was hard to calm them down for sleep, but it was a great, uplifting end to the day. Tomorrow we will attempt to find a church in Durban to visit as a family.