Blog post #2 - Part 2

PART 2

At Lily of the Valley, they have a farewell party for each child before they leave with their new parents. For S, her party was in House 7, with the other children who live in that house. She is four years old & the baby of her house. A is also the youngest in her house, House 8. Because she is a little older than S, rather than have the other girls from House 8 be her partygoers, A was allowed to choose three friends to invite to her party. That process was very exciting for her, and heartbreaking for me to watch. She delighted in having the power to invite or not invite. These children so rarely have any power or any prominence, and it makes sense that she felt very special and powerful. She has three best friends, which we knew from our time Skyping with her. She walked around the campus, holding my hand, with Tabby trailing closely, visiting each of her friend’s homes to ask if they could come to the party. I couldn’t understand the Zulu, but it seemed like a lot of other children asked if they could come, and the answer was no.

When it was time for the party, A’s house mother, Ma Sponghile, told each child where to sit around the table. First A, then Tabby, then her three chosen friends, then two children from House 8 with whom she is close. The children were all very serious, except for Tabby & A. A was wild with excitement, laughing and joking around. She has shown no hesitancy to come live with us and be a part of our family. The party consisted of the children eating outlandish amounts of junk food: lollipops, chips, cake, chocolate, unnaturally colored marshmallowy treats. No forks or napkins, no washing of hands ahead of time—just a plate full of sugar and salt. Tabby was over the moon excited, as she is never allowed to eat like that! The drink options were emerald green soda, fuschia soda, or purple soda.

Tabby handed me her package of chips to open, as she usually would. All the children watched this simple interaction, as if it was foreign. Most of them were struggling to tear open their bags with their teeth. After a pause, A said, “Mommy!” and handed me her bag to open. It wasn’t a first instinct for her to ask for help, but she was excited to be mothered in the simplest way. The other children then began passing their bags to A to have me open them. That kind of broke my heart. Seeing them so serious, bingeing on junk food, while A delighted in her new “daughter status,” as a small crowd of left-out children watched through the window sent me to the bathroom crying. People have reminded me that all adoption involves loss, but I really felt it in that moment.

After the party, A said goodbye to her house mom & to Ms. Mbali, her favorite staff at Lily. Mbali & A have had a very special, close relationship, which has made A capable of attaching to us. We will always be grateful to her. In the months leading up to this adoption, we really didn’t know much about A. When we prayed for her, we would always pray for someone to take special time to invest in her & love on her. Mbali was certainly the answer to that prayer. And she started investing in A when she was just a baby.

After saying goodbye, we made our way to the cars with the other family. At this point, we were absolutely exhausted, emotionally & physically. The children swarmed our cars, trying to open the doors out of curiosity, and asked a million questions, as we carried our tired kiddos into their seats. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough, though I knew important things were happening for me there. I just wanted a shower, some food, and a good night’s sleep. Luckily, I get to leave that place & get myself those things. I am very, very fortunate that that is my situation. But I will not forget that those things are out of reach for so many. And we took A out of that situation, and back to our lodge.  

Main entrance to Lily

Ma Sponghile