Blog post #12

May 3^rd, 2013: Yesterday we took the girls to uShaka Marine World and water park. We met up with the other family—now just Mama S, Griffin (4), & Sifundo, as the rest of their family has gone back to America. Our kids were so happy to be reunited, having spent time separately since Monday. And I am always jazzed to spend time with my only mom friend out here. We do a lot of talking, comparing notes & a lot of laughing; it’s therapeutic for us both. This adoption and travel experience definitely bonds families together in a very unique way.

The water park was a big hit for everyone—there were all kinds of slides & pools, a dolphin show, and the coolest aquarium, made to look like a sunken ship. Amahle enjoyed trying more & more on her own; she is adventurous & independent, and also likes to show off for mommy & daddy. I view it as a sign of good attachment when I hear, “Mommy, look!” a million times a day. While sometimes independence is a trait to be cultivated in kids, I am working against the stubborn self-reliance she developed in the orphanage, trying to teach her to depend on us. It’s odd, because at six, she is very capable of doing some things alone, which I am teaching her to let me do for her. I kept suggesting rides and activities the girls could do together, or that we could do as a family. Amahle & I floated down the lazy river together, oohing and aahing at the sights along the way. She was tickled to see penguins along the bank, & was pretty scared of the sharks behind the glass. She and Sifundo both keep pretty serious mugs at times, which gives the appearance of being hard to impress by new things. But when asked, Amahle will answer, “I’m scared to them,” which is sometimes the reason for the mask she wears.  

My favorite ride was called “Jika Jika,” which we made into a silly expression of joy throughout the day. As in, “Jika, jika I’m happy!!” in a sing-songy voice. The seven of us piled into one big, round raft, & twisted and turned down a long tube together. I loved looking at each face as we sped along: Amahle laughing & holding onto Sifundo, Tabby screaming & pretending to be in peril, Griffin admitting how fun this was, after staunchly refusing to try it at first.

When our two families get together, Sifundo & Amahle always have a wonderful time. I love to see them so excited to greet each other, and have a chance to talk feely in Zulu, but I am aware that it does hurt Tabby’s feelings to see Amahle’s bond with Sifundo, when Tabby is so desirous of that kind of sisterly bond. Her face always falls a little, and she is constantly being shrugged off for hugs by Amahle & Sifundo. To be fair, there aren’t a lot of hugs going around at the orphanage. Tabby’s type of sweetness & affection is something Amahle will need to get used to. Griffin, however, loves Tabby very much; they spend much of the day holding hands or hugging.

This was a pretty great day for all of us. One bright spot in the financial cloud of adoption is that the economy here makes it possible for us to spend the day at a water park for not much. We stayed the whole day, skipping naps, eating at a nice restaurant, and didn’t spend a lot. That makes entertaining kids for almost seven weeks a bit easier.

At the end of the day, both Sifundo & Amahle had some behavior issues. For both families, they were big enough rule violations that we needed to discipline them clearly and quickly. We had been heading to get ice cream, and Mama S, Jamie, & I decided that Sifundo & Amahle would not get ice cream because of their misbehavior. Parent friends out there: how hard is that to do?! I am a firm believer in clear and consistent discipline. But watching a child watch another child eat ice cream? Feels cruel and unusual in the moment. Not to mention, from the outside it looked very much like we buy our white children ice cream, but none for our African children. An uncomfortable impression to give off in public, especially in South Africa.

Other than that blip on the behavior radar, this was one of my favorite days here. Tabby said it was ‘the best day of her life,’ and she only says that very rarely! It was great to have such a fun, relaxing day as a family. It makes the counting down days and dreading paperwork recede for a while. I am very grateful for the gorgeous weather we’ve been having. This would all be so much harder in the rain.